Building Your Faith and Serving Together
Choosing a church as a married couple is one of the most important decisions you’ll make for your spiritual life. It’s not just about where you’ll go on Sunday mornings—it’s about finding a community where you can both grow in your faith, serve others, and build meaningful connections. However, in today’s world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of choosing a church based on surface-level factors, like a fun kids’ ministry or vibrant social groups. While those things are wonderful, they shouldn’t be the primary reasons you decide to join a church.
At the heart of your decision should be a church that prioritizes teaching biblical truth, deepening your understanding of scripture, and encouraging you to serve others. And in a traditional Christian marriage, there’s an added layer—wives should allow their husbands to take the lead in the final decision on which church you attend. This doesn’t mean wives can’t voice their opinions or concerns, but it’s a recognition of the husband’s role as the spiritual leader of the home.
In this article, we’ll walk through how to find a church community as a couple, what to prioritize in your search, and how to approach the decision with grace and wisdom.
1. Seek a Church Rooted in Biblical Teaching
When searching for a church, one of the most important things to look for is a commitment to sound biblical teaching. A church’s primary purpose is to help its congregation grow in their understanding of God’s Word. If the church is more focused on entertainment, social activities, or feel-good messages, it may not be the right place for long-term spiritual growth.
Make sure the church preaches the gospel clearly and accurately. Look for a community where scripture is not just referenced but deeply studied and applied to everyday life. This should be the foundation of any church you consider, as it will play a key role in how you grow as a couple in your faith.
Tip: Attend a few services and see how scripture is handled. Are the sermons biblically sound? Is there a focus on deepening your understanding of the Word?
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2. Don’t Get Distracted by Social Groups or Kids’ Ministries
It’s easy to get drawn into churches that offer lots of social activities, great kids’ ministries, and plenty of community events. While these things are wonderful, they shouldn’t be the primary reason for choosing a church. Kids’ programs, small groups, and social events can be important parts of church life, but they should complement—not overshadow—the church’s commitment to biblical teaching and spiritual growth.
As a couple, focus on finding a church that encourages you to serve others and grow in your understanding of scripture. The sense of community is important, but it should come from a shared mission to live out the gospel, not just from a busy social calendar.
Tip: Evaluate how the church balances fellowship with spiritual growth. Is the primary focus on social events, or is it on learning, serving, and growing in faith together?
3. Serve, Don’t Just Consume
One of the biggest mistakes couples make when choosing a church is focusing on what they can get from the church, rather than how they can serve. It’s easy to fall into the mindset of looking for a church that caters to your needs, but the truth is, church is about more than just consuming. It’s about being part of a community where you can actively serve others and contribute to the kingdom of God.
When looking for a church, consider the opportunities it offers for serving. Is there an emphasis on using your gifts to help others? Does the church encourage outreach, discipleship, and service within the community? These are the marks of a healthy church where you and your spouse can grow by giving, not just receiving.
Tip: As you visit potential churches, ask about ways you can get involved. What ministries or service opportunities are available that align with your gifts and passions?
4. Let Your Husband Lead the Decision
In a traditional Christian marriage, the husband is called to be the spiritual leader of the home. This doesn’t mean that wives have no say in important decisions like choosing a church. It’s crucial to voice your opinions, preferences, and concerns as a wife—but ultimately, it’s the husband’s role to make the final decision on which church your family attends. This is part of God’s design for marriage, where the husband leads with love and humility, and the wife supports and honors that leadership.
Of course, if you’ve married outside of your faith or came to Christ before your husband, this dynamic may look different. But in a marriage where both partners share the same faith, this biblical order allows for peace and unity. Husbands are tasked with leading their families spiritually, and wives can trust in that leadership while still being actively involved in the decision-making process.
Tip: Have open and honest discussions about the churches you’re considering. Share your thoughts, but be mindful of how you communicate with eachother, and also pray for your husband’s wisdom and discernment, speak respectfully to each other and avoid conflict with him as he leads this decision.
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5. Evaluate the Church’s Commitment to Community and Discipleship
Community is a vital part of any church, but it’s important to find a church that emphasizes discipleship within that community. True Christian fellowship is more than just social gatherings—it’s about walking alongside each other in faith, encouraging one another, and growing together as disciples of Christ.
When evaluating churches, look for one that fosters deep, meaningful relationships through discipleship and accountability. Are there small groups or Bible studies that encourage real spiritual growth? Is there a focus on mentoring and learning from one another? A strong church community should push you and your spouse to grow in your relationship with Christ while building lasting, Christ-centered friendships.
Tips: Join a small group or Bible study as a couple to test out the church’s discipleship focus. This can give you a feel for how committed the church is to spiritual growth beyond Sunday services. Also check out the ‘find a church’ function at the Master’s seminary (click on the link below) to find a list of churches in your area with trustworthy, bible based teaching and discipleship!
6. Pray for Guidance
As with any major decision, prayer is key when choosing a church. As a couple, make it a habit to pray for wisdom and discernment throughout the process. Ask God to lead you to a church where you can grow spiritually, serve others, and build a strong Christian community. Trust that He will guide your steps and help you find the right place for your family.
Prayer isn’t just something you do once—continue praying even after you’ve found a church. Ask God to deepen your involvement, strengthen your relationships, and show you how to serve within the church. A prayerful approach to finding a church ensures that your decision is rooted in God’s will, not just personal preferences.
Tip: Set aside time each week to pray specifically for your church search. Ask God to reveal His will and to give you peace and clarity in the process.
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7. Look for Opportunities to Join or Lead a Home Group
Home groups (or small groups) are a crucial part of church life for many couples, providing a more intimate setting to study scripture, pray, and build relationships with other believers. While Sunday services are important for worship and biblical teaching, home groups offer the opportunity for deeper, more personal connections. This is where you and your spouse can grow spiritually alongside others in a smaller, more supportive community.
When searching for a church, ask about the availability of home groups or Bible study groups. These gatherings are often where the real discipleship and fellowship happen, and they give you a chance to invest in each other’s faith as well as the lives of those around you.
Tip: Don’t just look for a home group to join—consider leading one together as a couple. It’s a wonderful way to grow in your leadership skills while serving your church community.
8. Balance Your Preferences with the Church’s Mission
Every couple has preferences when it comes to church—maybe you enjoy contemporary worship while your spouse prefers a more traditional service. It’s natural to have preferences, but it’s important to balance those with the church’s mission and overall spiritual health. While things like worship style or the building’s aesthetics can enhance your experience, they shouldn’t be the deciding factors in choosing a church.
Instead, look for a church that’s mission-focused. Does the church emphasize evangelism, discipleship, and serving the community? Does it have a heart for missions or outreach? A church that stays focused on these core aspects of faith will help you both stay grounded in what really matters: growing in your relationship with Christ and sharing His love with others.
Tip: Discuss your preferences, but always come back to the bigger question: Is this church focused on the gospel and living out its mission to serve and grow spiritually?
9. Stay Patient in the Search
Finding the right church as a couple doesn’t always happen immediately, and that’s okay. Sometimes, it can take weeks or even months of visiting different churches before you find one that feels like home. Staying patient and prayerful during this process is key. Don’t rush into a decision just to check a box—wait for the church where you both feel spiritually fed and called to serve.
It’s important to give each church you visit a fair chance. Attend a few services, meet with the pastor, and explore different ministries before making a decision. Trust that God will lead you to the right place in His timing, and continue praying for wisdom and discernment throughout the search.
Tip: Be open to revisiting a church even if your initial impression wasn’t perfect. Sometimes it takes more than one visit to get a true sense of the community and teaching.
10. Trust God’s Leading and Stay United as a Couple
At the end of the day, finding the right church is about trusting God’s guidance and staying united as a couple. It’s important to approach this search as a team, making sure that both of you feel heard and valued throughout the process. However, it’s also essential to trust your husband’s role as the spiritual leader of the household, allowing him to make the final decision when it’s time to commit to a church.
In a traditional Christian marriage, this kind of leadership fosters trust and unity, as both partners understand their roles in the decision-making process. As you search for the right church, continue to pray for wisdom and unity in your marriage, trusting that God will guide you both to the place where He wants you to grow, serve, and thrive.
Tip: Once you’ve found the right church, commit to being involved together. The more you invest in your church community as a couple, the deeper your spiritual growth and connection to each other will become.
The Takeaway
Finding the right church community as a married couple is about more than just programs, social events, or kids’ ministries. It’s about seeking a place where you can deepen your faith, grow in your understanding of scripture, and serve others together. In a traditional Christian marriage, it’s also about allowing the husband to take the lead in the final decision, trusting in his role as the spiritual leader of the family.
By focusing on biblical teaching, service opportunities, and genuine community, you’ll find a church that nourishes your spiritual life and strengthens your marriage. Keep prayer at the center of your search, trust in God’s guidance, and look for a place where both you and your spouse can grow together in faith.
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As always, I’d love to hear from you – leave a comment below and let us know your top tips for how to find a church community as a married couple!
Last update on 2025-04-28 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
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